She Writes. She Excites.

As it is late and vulnerable, like to a lover at the end of a day, I came to talk. Life has been a series of insanity yet sane enough to keep me on safe grounds.  Life has pretty much been nothing less than incredible and further than anything mediocre. I either arrive home at the late AM from a night of deep talks over burnt coffee to roaming around on airport territory with no purpose, but a good company. Or, I stay home all day in a bathrobe drowned by the scent of lit candles and cold bitter tea. But either way, I make the best out of what life throws at me anyways.

About two Tuesday nights ago, someone had said to me "Hope you will be updating your blog soon, I'm in need of some inspiration." which had me feeling a sort of way. Although my blog is often brought up along the lines of exchanging words yet this particular one, so vague and probably nothing at all had made some impact on me. If it's one thing I'd like it is to inspire and be inspired by. To have the privilege of making an impact of some sort towards other souls. Even in a minority. And on a gloomy Thursday afternoon, I discovered that I had.

When I was younger I always thought I knew myself. I truly understood every depth, every corner to the mind I possessed and had conquered it. Little did I know when I grew older it no longer became valid to me. Somewhere along those years, I had lost myself. People say the older you become, the wiser you will be. Did I became wiser? Or was I just being more in denial. As I grew that cling to fantasy grows further and further away from the realist I had become. And I questioned more things instead.

Sincerely I thank you to every single soul that has showered me with kindness and positivity, despite being anonymous on my ask, you remind me everyday of the reason I started writing. More things are coming on to this electronic diary of mismatched thoughts and impromptu 2AM writings. I hope the new theme is loved by all. I have outgrown my French phase I used to live by at thirteen, it is irrelevant to me now. I have been as uninspired and vacant these past few months at everything especially writing. Everything I seem to think and feel does not come out as well when written, and so they are left as nothing but void drafts. I haven't finished writing anything I started from the past few months. I'm making some major changes to the archives and content of this blog, heading towards a different direction instead of the familiar writes I usually do. I will be doing writings focused solely more on beauty, fashion and photography based. And everything else along those lines. Alongside the kind that I already do. Coming soon, in short notice.

Real Eyes Realize.

Page 352 of 365
In the midst of hardship and constant mental struggles I realized two things; I should have attempted to study earlier in my secondary school life -although, if went back, I'd repeat over the same mistake. I'm playful and a bum, I can't help myself- and second, things don't come as easy as they used to anymore.

Throughout the ages of my seventeen years of existence, I grew, I felt, I experienced. I truly have. I'd like to think I have experienced a fair amount of things for someone as young of an age as I am. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, doesn't make it much of a good thing either. However, I am thankful nonetheless. 2014 was a year of realization and life lessons. I unraveled and found someone I thought I already knew within me, myself. And a few more unnamed, but that's a whole other story. 2014 was also a year of discovery. People grow, people become older and that cling to innocence no longer becomes anything more rather than just a passing fantasy. But like weather and seasons changing, it is inevitable.

"I believe we write our own stories, and each time we think we know the end, we don't. Perhaps luck exist somewhere in the world of planning, the world of chance, and in peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all. Life is funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up where you belong." -Anonymous

In 2014, I learned that;

Someone that loved you far too much yesterday can lose that love the next.

Everyone goes through struggles, some are better at approaching than others.

Life is fair.

Just when you think you know someone, they prove you otherwise.

I am actually a crier, and I never knew.

I've lost the people that meant the world to me and look at me now, I'm perfectly fine.

Time really does heal all wounds, no matter how damaged.

You are not able to satisfy everyone in the world, might as well just do whatever desired.

Eleven Things I Learned From Eleven Years of School.

1. You might not be the same person you were this time last year, but it is fine. People change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. If you don't allow change to happen in your life, you will suffer the consequence of never growing as a human being.

2. Sometimes relationships with others don't work out because life happens. And that is perfectly okay. People grow, and people grow apart. 

3. Affection and love from another isn't everything you need in life right now. Don't be fooled, you probably don't even need it at all. Recognize the difference between love and lust. But you probably don't even know.

4. Be kind to your teachers. No matter how low your view of them, success will not be strived without their blessings.

5. Talk to the girl whom nobody likes. Believe that people are so much more than what meets the eye. The surface of the skin only tells you so little until you actually reach the bones. You'd be surprised.

6. It is difficult balancing a life of school and a life outside of it, but it is certainly not impossible. You are capable of things you aren't even aware of yet. If others can, why can't you? Reach for the stars but keep your feet on earth.

7. What happens to you, is probably the best for you. Nothing is coincidental. Everything happens for a reason and at some point you will grow to believe so.

8. You may come to a realization at a point in your life that your bestfriend, might not really be your best friend. 

9. A bump in the road does not effect a whole journey. How will you ever recognize sweetness if you've never tasted bitter. If you don't try to live, how will you ever experience and feel? Things will only start to happen when you step out of your comfort zone.

10. Bad experiences means life lessons. Carry them with you. Don't regret doing it, regret if you know it's absurd yet you do it again.

11. Grades are not an intellectual measurement of yourself but that is not an excuse to throw your life away and think it's fine. Lazy people make excuses, to avoid the feel of guilt.

Nevertheless, thank you for eleven great years.

Last, But Never Least.

As I come here often to write about no other than myself. Dragging you with pointless groups of alphabets, stories that only some makes sense to the mind and about no other than my mediocre, narcissists self. But today I sit down here with hot coffee, my face against the LEDs, to write about another. My dad.

My dad, my father, my hero, my saviour. Exactly today half a century ago you were brought out into this world. And for whatever purpose it served one of them being lead to you, becoming a father, to me. And there is honestly no better job you do than it. 

You often remind me that I don't know how it feels because I don't have kids of my own to worry upon. And I wouldn't know until I had some of my own. That's where you are wrong. I do know how it feels. I know how your palms sweat every time you see your daughter setting herself at the outside world of cruelty you think she is not already aware of. Because you know the kind of people out there and you know what they are capable of doing to her. You don't want her to be familiar with the bitterness you have tasted, and the taste lingers at the tip of your tongue. I know your body shivers every time you think of your once little, pure princess overgrowing her tiaras and glitter skirts replacing them with eyeliner and ripped jeans. You want the world to see her as how you do. But unfortunately, that often differs.

Because I do, I do. And I think about it at least once a day. Being a dad isn't all a simple task but you ace at it. Although I don't give you much credit for, because you deserve the world, I am aware of all you have done for me and they are infinite. 

And I too often remind you that it is okay. People grow and I was bound to outgrow your lap one day. But I will never outgrow your heart. Your kind, selfless heart. I will never let a day go by without trying to make you proud of your only daughter. I may have not been the best portray of it but I can promise you, I will never stop avidly trying. You tell me you are growing old and you fear that. I cannot imagine the day I will not see you at sight on the daily anymore. I refuse to live a life like that but that choice is not mine to make. It is His. And I hope Allah S.W.T allows many more years of you because when your fear is leaving, mine is being left.

You put me ahead of yourself. I will never understand that big of an act of selflessness, and I will live my life everyday trying to strive it.

Everyday you are special, but today, you get a blog post.

Happy birthday dad.

Horizons That Differ.

Gloomy evening, 4.51pm on a Monday, I hate this feeling. No, I despise it. Despise is a strong word and it is the perfect description for my feelings. The feel of guilt and constant glances at my watch. I can never seat with ease these days. I'm always filled with this feeling of uneasiness and a sense of deep regret. 

The number to my exam is getting to a lesser digit after each day that passes by. And I am here. Not doing anything about it, but filled to the core with guilt and constant regret. Which is the worst kind of "being here". I am two months away and three months to being done with. I cannot wait to the days I finally wake up actually looking forward to what's ahead. But for now, I wake up knowing that what lies ahead would be nothing else rather than textbooks and classes and textbooks and classes. And if it wasn't, I will go through the rest of the day with a mind off. The grass isn't looking too green at this side anymore. More like, a sad, wilted, brown.

The only thing that's been keeping me at sane ground is a person I know and my computer. Which is also the same reason why I am insane. I always feel so inane. And I feel like there isn't much I can do about but to only depend on time to brush it off, which is worse than actually being inane. I know this feeling is only temporary but temporary is taking it's sweet, sweet time. God dammit. I have so, so much to look forward to in three months time. So much planned. So many adventures. Appears to be promising before it actually happens but then it's all long days at home in bathrobes drinking bad coffee. But I like to be hopeful. And to be frank I'd much rather have the worst of those days than the best of these. I am on a constant crave for adventures and excitement. But for now, my insides needs be tamed. 

Something Vague We Are Not Seeing.

I think you have found satisfaction in life when you are alone at 3AM and instead of staring at the bedroom walls with gloomy eyes you are looking through the wet window glass with a hot drink, smiling. And you go to bed looking forward to tomorrow day. Love isn't necessarily needed. There is someone out there for everyone, but for now, you don't look for love. It looks for you. Often we are too caught up with the need of wanting to search for it. Forcing it down each other's throats. I think the best advice I have ever given anyone is, "I feel sorry for people who think that the only way they will ever achieve self satisfaction is when they find a spouse. Or at least, think they have. You don't. It isn't the only way out of your shitty, mediocre life."

Love. Throughout the ages of since I discovered what it was up about until the end of my sixteen years of age, I had always been sceptical about the idea of it. The whole idea of love. I have lived my life, swore to myself that I will never let anyone break down the walls I had built around my insides. I will never let anyone effect me. Not too deep to reach in the vulnerability. So I have lived my life everyday, not believing that love could exist. For me at least. I used to think that people who think they're in love are fooling themselves. I addressed that majority bunch as fools. You're young and naive. You don't know what love is. Until one day,

Unexpectedly, love found me. And everything changed.

However situations changed. People grow up and they grow apart. You lose some, you gain some, you learn truth and harshness in the brutality of the real life and today, I would say it is an illusion. It doesn't exist. The idea of love was planted into the human brain as an illusion to make ourselves feel better with the feeling of what is actually only lust. And people needed to start realizing. The whole idea of love has never really existed within me until I finally grew seventeen. And I had known and learn about it's existence through a manner I would not have preferred, cruelty.

They say life is unfair. I stand against it, life is fair. You just haven't experienced the beauty of it. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason. Throughout my life I have carried that lesson with me to make crucial situations more or less, slightly bearable. Life isn't what they claim it as to be unfair instead life is this inconsistent journey of losing some and gaining some. At times you lose something good only to gain something great, sometimes plans don't go as initially for even better things to happen. For your own good. But you don't know that yet. Instead the majority bunch, which is you, stay in grief and build walls around you. Refusing anyone to let them be broken down. People are too often more focused on the lacks more than the haves. Too busy they are chasing down a certain road to happiness thinking that it's the only way to achieve it, they often lose grip on their surroundings. On what truly matters.

Learn to love yourself and who you are before you do on another.

It gets better. Maybe not now, or tomorrow, or the next day. But it eventually will. And if it hasn't, it isn't the end yet. Your life is a constant battle. On some days, your plastered smile never find its way to leave your face whereas sometimes, you feel as if the whole word is against you. However, you keep battling.

But god, love surely is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

The Confession.

I'm Elissa Rosli and I have been experiencing a serious case of writer's block. Not that I would ever qualify myself as a real writer however. It's not the lack of ideas or thoughts but instead it's the too much of ideas and thoughts all anticipatingly waiting to be blurted out through the tips of my fingers touching an electronic board of alphabets. I have been writing alright. All. The. Time. The only problem with it is, my too many ideas comes off as much as vomit -horrible choice of description- all out and I get a rush through my fingers -like having my fingers consume caffeine- and then all of a sudden, it stops. So for over a year now, I have been writing short paragraphs of rather interesting and profound things captured throughout this journey called my life. My inconsistent, roller coaster, life. But as good as they are, they are left inside my drafts for the eyes of none to see. I am a big perfectionist unfortunately. Everything I do, I pour my heart into, I expect perfect outcomes. Like blogs posts, I expect with every "publish" button I press, perfection is written. I start doubting those hundreds of short paragraphs and think it wouldn't be worthy enough to be published on this electronic diary of mismatched feelings. In which a minority of people, oddly, seems to be enjoying themselves with. Thank you for reading my much abandoned blog. 

When I started this blog, I did not expect attention on it. Nor did I ever wished for any. I was just a bored thirteen year old with too much free time on her plate. Well of course, back then it was a nightmare. Now look at how far it's came. It's overwhelming to see the number of views I receive here. To be aware of the amount of people that reads. My intention when I write here is never, not ever, to impress any form of living thing or to promote myself. The topic of me owning an electronic diary is never brought up in any exchange of words between me and other people. I never tweet, text, whatsapp, tumblr about it. I just leave a link to it on my twitter biodata and the magic flows by itself. For someone who barely writes on it, never promotes it and is terrible at updating it, I think I have made quite an achievement with it. It's scary to think that so many people out there, people I am sadly not aware of, read my miscellaneous and messed up thoughts. Or whatever it is that is up there. 

As Cold As Her Soul.

Fourteen things my mother thought to carry with me forever:

1. Always be your own hero. Do not depend on anyone ever to be your savior. 

2. You are capable of so much. Realize and use it wisely.

3. Study hard, get rich, buy your own Chanel.

4. "I was a rascal as a kid, everyone questioned what I would grow up to be. Look at me now." Shows that success comes when you truly strive for it. Doesn't matter where you came from or what you used to be.

5. Love later and love hard when you do. There is someone out there for everyone. But for now, prioritize on what's truly important for your own good.

6. Never forget to be kind. Have the heart of gold and when you do, it will shine through.

7. Do not pick fights with people who are lower than you. They already are not on your standards, just smile and take it in.

8. You will never be happy if you don't find the value in things, even when you have everything. 

9. Always save. Dark days come when you least expect it to. And when it does, make sure you are not empty handed.

10. Hypocrites are the worst kind of people. Never be one.

11. Wherever you might be in the world, never forget the ones who brought you there.

12. Being intelligent is one thing, but being hard working is what truly succeeds you.

13. Sometimes being bad is the only way to be good. Sometimes.

14. Be the better person. Be kind to everyone. Even to that annoying girl next door, or to that rude cashier. You will feel better about yourself and, you never know when you might need them.

Happy Mother's Day. 

A Little Far Down the Road.

Dear future self,

As you are now most probably somewhere in the world caught up with life, I write this while curled in bed on a chilly Monday night. I have a book marked at page 82 and a half eaten bag of barbecue chips laying at the side table next to me. I made some iced tea but it's far down my insides now. I have no knowledge on what you've became or what you are now but I hope you're doing what you love. And with that, you are doing it with the person you love. Do more of what makes you happy, fuck people. I hope you still dance as silly. I hope you haven't completely got rid of the dumb jokes. I hope you still carry a journal around and write when inspire strikes. I hope you are crazy about the love of your life and I hope he makes you feel sixteen again. I hope you realize that midnight snacks aren't just for little kids. And that sometimes, being happy means being with yourself. I don't know where life will take me but it will take me to you. And I hope that person is proud of what she's become. And that she loves herself. I want you to always be true to yourself. Remember that the strongest person you know is yourself. Erase regret from your life as we both know I fear nothing more. Good days will come and maybe today was just not one of them. I hope you are happy now because today, you were. 

To Write Love On Her Arms.

"You make lists in your head about what you want in a lover, like brown hair and a sweet voice. A sharp mind and a soft heart, a sense of humor that actually makes you laugh like you mean it. This and that. And it's all bullshit. Because people aren't lists. And I've always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that. I want to come across someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person I am, and I want to show them what they didn't even know they were looking for. People who think they know what they want are fooling themselves. Nobody really knows what or who they want. Not until it's right in front of them." -Marianna Paige

I admit. I, for one, am guilty of having an endless list of characteristics I want to find in a partner and frankly half of it makes no sense. People, like myself, make lists in our heads as if it matters. So certain we'd find someone who possessed all of that. And then one day, you meet someone beyond that. And they are nothing like your ridiculous list, or you. But you fall in love with them anyways. And these are the people I think is worth waiting for. 

Faux Dreams.

1:47 AM. I tend to describe my situation and surroundings in my writings because I want people to imagine me as I do. I am on my undone bed, with a half sipped cup of warm green tea latte on my left hand and typing with my right. In oversized pajama bottoms and a purposely messed up ponytail. 

I am caught in a dilemma. And time hasn't been by my side. If it were up to me, I'd be on a small balcony having strong caffeine somewhere in Rome at mid July watching gondolas row by below me. Breathing on dry summer air. But it wasn't my decision to make. For a good one year, I had kept a journal with me. Not some cliché teen girl white trash diary, but ones that I wrote in small portions. I wrote down feelings that was only allowed to be expressed through the wonders of two things, a pen and paper. As days went by, I was more inspired and the content of my journal started to grow. As well as my love for it. The whole purpose was for me to keep track of my feelings. And among one of the many writings in that rusty and beaten up mint green journal, behold a list of things. List of things I will do in the year 2013. I titled it as, "Things I will do in 2013" duh. Taken exactly from the journal, it listed,

Fall in love

Write more

Learn a new activity

Make new friends

Be more positive

Read more books

Go out more

Fill up this journal

Learn more

Get more involved

Go to concerts

And then I ran out of lines. Out of everything that was written down, I only hadn't fully done one that was worthy enough to be checked as completed. And that, lovelies, is for you to keep wonder. 2013 was truly, honestly, genuinely, one of the best years of my life. Possibly even the best. But it is too soon to say I'm afraid however I am pleased and content with joy because I know next year, in the year 2014, will not be a good one. But fuck that because it made up for all the good things that happened to me this year. I truly am blessed. As quoted by young and wise Emma Morley, "Whatever happens tomorrow, we've had today."

You're Such a Cliché.

As 2014 is almost upon us, I've taken time to reflect on the things that have been happening in the past year 2013. Some I absolutely love, and some I absolutely loathe. As I mentioned in my "the start of an end" post, this year was a game-changer and I meant that in both bad and good. After two straight seasons of Awkward in one hot Friday afternoon and an unpleasant feeling in my throat, I have piled in a lot of feelings. The thought of next year is scaring me. I had been avoiding this thought. But it's December and I'm nothing near prepared and my mum had brought it up last night in the car on our way home. I haven't been the best student in class 4A and frankly, keeping up isn't all sunshine. More of rain. Or a thunderstorm. Time is moving too fast. And it will remain to move fast next year, which how my heart is as I write. I will miss the commitment free year. Free from the guilt of taking my studies oh so lightly. But like all good things in this world of cruelty and absurdness, it has an end. And my end is now. Things needed to be changed and some adjustments needed to be made. Specifically with how I spent time. And it needed to be more wise.

Urbanscapes 2013: The Sun Was High, So Was I.

If I had to describe myself in three terms it would be, 1. I make too many stupid and awkward jokes on a daily basis, 2. I am always either overdressed or underdressed. Mostly overdressed. There is no in between and 3. I am a fucking lazy blogger but I love it anyways.

But when I came home that Sunday 24th October night, I knew I had to start writing. Urbanscapes 2013 had left a bigger impact on myself than I had imagined. As I was laying on what should have been grass but was covered by Sabrina's savior florescent pink blanket, the only thing I had in mind was "It's a good time to be alive." I will never forget. I have vowed to myself that whenever convenient, never miss Urbanscapes in the following years.

Amazing would be an understatement. There was a lot of walking involved. Back and forth from stages to the hill where we had laid out a medium sized blanket and everyone, precisely eight of us, all laying down glancing at the sunset during dawn. I swing my head left to right, left to right, singing along to quality music being played behind me. Life is great, I thought. I knew at that instant I wouldn't rather be doing anything else in the world. For a moment, everyone fell into a comfortable silence. Sinking in the surrounding of boldly dressed people smoking cigarettes, exchanging words and sleeping on grass. I can get used to this kind of view. And then suddenly someone broke the silence, "I wish everyday was like this." I wish it was, too.

The whole thing was just too surreal to me. There I was soaked, enthusiastic and happy dancing my heart out to Last Dinosaurs performing Zoom live and then later that day, butt on grass having a fast food feast. Nothing could have possibly made it any better. Nothing.

There were nearly fourty performances all together but I was only looking forward to one, Franz Ferdinand. The most magical thing about concerts is when the audiences start singing back. And then there I was, surrounded by the people who were just as passionate as me. I'm glad I couldn't see how I looked like at the time because I would have probably cringe. I didn't care. I didn't care that I looked like a crime scene. Or that I felt micro insect legs crawling up my green silk shorts. Or that the muddy ground was slowly sinking in my black jelly sandals. I was a few feet away from a stage. And on that stage, was one of the bands I have adored since I was eleven performing. I remembered in the middle of everything, I turned behind me and saw my best friend pouring herself out. And I gave her a hug. I caught a glace of the night sky and tilted my head up for awhile, shutting my eyes as I try to let everything sink in. I smiled. The feeling was indescribable. But it was a bloody good feeling. Who needed drugs when you get to see Franz fucking Ferdinand live? And the Last Dinosaurs left me with a pretty decent amount of excitement too, I guess.

The people were nice. Most of them, at least. I was fairly impressed with the fashion however, some had left me cringing and questioning myself. I met all kinds of people. High, drunk, sober, a really friendly guy in a bandanna, a bisexual twenty-one year old Singaporean, a mean guard.

At the end of the second day we left with heavy hearts but ones that are filled with new memories. You look forward to going back when your legs fells like as if they are not there anymore. Exhausted but content. Which was what I was feeling. As we walked towards the parking lot where a car had been expected, being the spontaneous maniac that she is, Nikki had decided she would say "BYE" to everyone we came across with. And being the spontaneous maniac best friend that I am, I couldn't resist but to tag along. Responses were as expected, awesome. I love people.

Here is an appreciation dedicated for the massive amount of laughter shared, the pictures taken together, the hundreds of picnic breaks we had, the food sharing, the insane dancing, the slow dancing, the people watching, the funny conversations, and for making my first Urbanscapes experience worthwhile. Thank you Nikki, Hakim, Aizat, Aiman, Sabrina, Arief, Bazli and Haziq for that. And those aren't even the half of it.

I remember the days perfectly well and I hope it remains even if it's been twenty years. Although I highly doubt I would forget such thing. Visit my instagram for pictures. @elissarosli.

Everything I love and More.

I fall in love at the calmness that comes along with the sound of raindrops. The smell of coffee in the morning. Flowers by the street. I fall in love with the spark in people's eyes when they talk about the things they are passionate about. When boys are well dressed. The light in people when they see the person they love. Rain on Sunday mornings. I fall in love when my mum laughs at my tacky jokes. When the cute Starbucks barista puts a heart at the end of my name. When waiters are nice. When strangers smile back. I fall in love every time I read a good book. That perfect fictional character. When a book makes me tear up and laugh in the period of seconds. I fall in love at random acts of kindness. The smell of air before it rains. The smell of old books. And how it looks.

I fall in love with 3 AM conversations. When nothing else but the truth comes out. Understanding people. And every time I go on short vacations, to a city where I am no one but a stranger to all. Loud, abnoxious singing in the car. Random dancing at public places. I fall in love at the sight of happiness. The sound of laughter and exchange of words. Good company. Being with someone you cherish and do absolutely nothing but still having the time of your life. Because they matter that much. I fall in love with how funny the world works. How sometimes it doesn't even make any sense.

I fall in love again every time you say my name. All those sentimental things you say to me when you know I hate them, but it makes me laugh anyways. And when I turn to look at you, you're already looking. Smiling.

Dear 50 Year Old Self.

Dear 50 year old self,

I hope you're living somewhere where it's nice and quiet. Away from all the hecticness of the city. You've had enough of that. Waking up to the sound of birds singing outside your window. I hope you have found the love of your life. And wake up every morning next to him while you watch him sleep as sunlight beams through the curtains slowly. Make him breakfast and ocasionally he makes them for you, too. I hope you two still kiss each other like it's the first time. Have small talks while you wait for the coffee to cool. And go on date nights every Fridays. I hope you had raised two lovely daughters and a son. Three who loves you very much. I hope you are happily retired from being a lawyer, while taking over your mother's business at the same time. And on your free time you bake and read. I hope you finished hundreds of books. I hope you've spent a quarter of your time travelling with the love of your life. I hope you've seen every part of the south of France, Venice and San Francisco. All the places you've always dreamed of seeing when you were sixteen. I hope you collect Hard Rock t-shirts. I hope you graduated with a law degree in the UK. I hope you have lived in a tiny studio apartment in central London. I hope you speak 13 different languages. I hope you have a good relationship with your siblings. And that you visit your parents' grave every now and then. With flowers. I hope you're still calling your bestfriends when you were sixteen, your bestfriends now. I hope you have met all kinds of people from all around the world. And along the way, heard their stories. I hope you've learned everything there is to learn about life. I hope you have achieved everything you have ever wanted to achieve. And you wake up everyday with a smile.

Most importantly, I hope you're happy.

Travel Diary #1: Spring Feelings.

There I was. Standing on the balcony of my hotel, glancing at an amazing view of Paris. It just lights up so beautifully at night. It was rather cold at 2 in the morning. The only thing that was keeping me warm was the hazelnut coffee I had on my right palm. And also the incredibly large sweater I had on to go with my polka-doted pair of socks.

We arrived on a lovely Saturday morning. 7am to be precise. The same day we checked into the hotel and went straight to the Eiffel Tower.

I have pictured how beautiful the Eiffel tower is. But I never thought that it would be that amazing. The structure of it, that rusty bronze colour it was painted with. What I saw that day was just breathtaking. All the thoughts and worries that was running through my mind. Gone. I had forgotten how knackered I was before. Those 14 hours of flight felt like minutes. And just seeing how incredible Paris was, at that moment, I knew those 14 hours was worth it. So there we were. Just inches away from the Eiffel tower. All four of us cuddling in our thick coats and leather gloves. Giggling.

We spent hours there. Just staring. My eyes lost in the view just steps away from where I was standing. Trying to get the used to the whole idea of what I was seeing right before my eyes, was real life. The only thing that went through my mind was how fortunate I was. I was having tea in front of the Eiffel tower. It was a painting. It was a second close to perfection.

Arc De Triomphe was beautifully placed at the middle of a busy roundabout. The first thing that caught my eyes was how massive it was. The architecture of it amazed me so much. Every inch of it was perfectly painted with pale golden brown. Whenever we would take the tour bus, I would just observe every each sides of it one by one, while the bus makes a whole complete round. It was art. We had buttered croissants at a local coffee joint at the streets of Champ Elysees. The breezy cold air just makes it taste better. Everything from Prada to Hermes was along the streets of Champ Elysees. As I was sipping on some hot coffee, I would observe at everyone who was passing by from top to bottom. I noticed most of them was foreigners. But it wasn't much different anyways.

I slept that night with the biggest grin on my face, as I was sinking myself on the soft satin bed sheets, lingering through the sheer window curtains. I would just stare at that remarkable view outside my window for hours until I had fallen asleep. Every other night was no different.

We would spend our nights walking around the city of Paris. Exploring every inch of what we could see. Everywhere I looked was a view. Breakfast was usually spent at a nearby park just a couple blocks away from our hotel. I would sit on the brown rusty bench as I eat a sandwich along with a cup of hot chocolate to go down with and just observe at everything that was happening around me. I'd see smart business men rushing to work, kids running around at the park, people cycling along the streets and ridiculously attractive guys walking with their venti-sized Starbucks cups. However, lunch was a different thing. We would usually have picnics on sunny days and stayed inside when it was too cold. There was this beautiful park nearby the Eiffel tower. Not too far. It was right below of it. We would sink ourselves on thin fresh cut grass and munch on our kebabs. I listen to the sound of birds chirping. Music to my ears. As I was sinking my eyes at the Eiffel tower while having lunch under the beautiful spring air of Paris. At that moment, I knew I wouldn't rather be doing anything else in the world.

Leaving wasn't that bad. We went crazy last minute shopping on our last night. I could tell how happy mum was to be standing at the head quarters of Chanel at one of the many streets of Rue Cambon. Massive it was I would say. Everything inside was as well. Swap. Goes her credit card and just like that, the pair of Chanel shoes she has had her eyes on since forever was finally hers. Grinning while she makes her way to the perfectly polished glass door with the sign EXIT  right above it. The white and black Chanel paper bag she was holding on her left palm was one of the biggest reasons we came here in the first place.

One day when I'll be turning 50. I will look back on this very day and remember of what a good time I had with my loved ones. I finally understood why they called it the "City Of Love" because that was the only thing I felt. Ironically, my goodbye greeting is in French which is super relevant right now haha. Oh well,

Restez jolie et au revoir, x